[[This is for the wounded soul.]]
Part 1: I am
The sun is shining through open windows and music blares across the speakers. Sunglasses on my face, bare feet on the dashboard, and my hand gliding through the highway air- I am 21 years old and I feel alive.
I enjoy riding most when Andrew drives. This is his playground and I feel safe. The atv glides around corners, spewing dirt every which way. Myles remarks on the people following us and together we all laugh. Occasionally Andrew gets a rush and we go speeding head on into a dip in the road, sending cool water and mud in every direction and covering the three of us head to toe. I am free.
I took a weekend to heal, to leave you behind. But even after I turned off my phone I still checked four times to see if you had called. Today though, I will let you go. Sitting beside the lake I am still. My soul rests in the sanctuary of this place. If I cry for you, it will only be one tear- enough to say this is really goodbye. Today I will leave you with a gift, wanting nothing in return. Not your friendship, not your love, not even your gratitude. I am relieved.
There is an interesting dynamic in being here; so many memories to recall and still a future unbound by possibilities. It is a place to look back and laugh, to look forward and dream. Here my heart can mend, even forgive. Here it is safe, if only for a moment. I am at peace.
I hope I can come back to this place someday when I am old. I hope I can run my fingers through dust and ash and reminisce on days filled with joy and evenings encompassed by worship. I hope I can wade into the lake and marvel at fears overcome, adventures endured. I hope for a moment I feel 21 and alive. I hope I will return having changed the world, found a love that defied destiny and still looks forward to a future uncharted. I am hopeful.
For if the greatest tragedy is a man lives only to die, give me a heart that knows only how to live
